if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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