She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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