so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
