I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize