On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
