Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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