Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
