I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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