I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
