The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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