OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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