the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
