i just had sex bonerless
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
