I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
