I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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