Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
