i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
