happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
