Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize