end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This house was built for laser tag.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
