I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
