i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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