Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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