addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
