I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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