I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize