the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
