the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize