he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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