It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
