Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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