I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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