i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize