I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's the barista slut.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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