margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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