So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just tell him i said nine months
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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