Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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