You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
