Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
