I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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