wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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