It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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