Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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