I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
