but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
