Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
