i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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