I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
