Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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