I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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