I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
