Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize