yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
