omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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