Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
