On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
