8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You pole danced in your parka.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
