non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
