Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize