If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
