have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
