i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
