The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
