nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
