Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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