my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize