dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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