You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize