What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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