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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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