Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
