not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
