I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
