Fuck appropriateness.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
