i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
