I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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