Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
